To Be, Or Not to Be

"Serving", "Servants of God", a "Servants Heart" are all phrases we're used to hearing in Christian circles. We grow up knowing we're supposed to serve, and typically with some picture in our head shaped by our background and experience of what that means or should include. However, for many of us, these pre-supposed ideas leave us wondering "how much is enough?" or keeps us in a constant state of busyness.This morning, as I was praying and preparing for the day, I felt God prompting me to pray and ask Him to show me what being a servant of Christ meant, what that looked like, or should look like.Breakfast comes early around here...we have to be down and ready to roll at 6:30am. Then came clean up, and it was time for the bus run. Going on the bus, two of us help pick up some of the deaf children who come to the deaf school. They were all eager to see us, tell us their names, and all about their other friends we were going to pick up. Knowing very little Spanish, and next to no Guatemalan Sign Language, about all I could do is hold them, stroke their backs, take pictures with them, and exchange name signs.Since this is part of the school year for Guatemala, we didn't do a program with the kids, but just jumped into their classes and learned with them. Switching between taking pictures and coloring and crafts, I got so many great opportunities to interact with the kids, hang out with them, make cheesy faces, and just love and be loved.After lunch, I got to help make dinner and chat with Mrs Summerville, which was so much fun! Then we had photography meetings, and worked on post processing our day. Soon to follow was team devotions, dinner, and clean up, and all the sudden the day was done.It's easy to have the mindset of a doer. To look back on a day such as this and ask "how did I serve?", "did I do enough" "was I most efficient" "was that impactful" or to think because I wasn't teaching photography or bible lessons or coaching kids, that I wasn't actually an effective contributor. But, what God showed me is that being His Servant is not about how much you do. It's not quality or quantity; it's surrender. Am I surrendered to being led by His Spirit? Am I in tune with Him and how He is working? Am I more focused on His Kingdom and what He is doing, or fulfilling my check list or mental picture of what I think quantifies a servant? Law is all about measuring up, fulfilling duty, meeting the mark...but relationship with God is about living a life that is an outpouring of love for Him; an exchanged life. It is no longer I that live, but Christ. The important questions for me to ask myself are: am I taking the opportunities in this moment that God is leading me to walk through, am I living in tune with Him and how He is working. Am I focused on making my story happen, or being part of the story God is writing right here, right now.Today I didn't teach any great lessons, I didn't tell the story of the Gospel, I didn't scrub any floors or master Guatemalan Sign...but instead, I had the blessing to "do life with" these missionaries and this ministry. To come alongside of, partner with, and be blessed by their lives; and to love these kids. God also gave me the opportunity to learn and be taught by the gentle working of His Spirit, and to be led by His hand throughout my day. Serving can be as simple as sitting shoulder-to-shoulder with a friend, coloring with a kid on your lap, or praying as the Spirit leads. I guess at the end of the day, this is what it's all about. Not what did I do, or not do, but was I a yielded tool in His hands...led by His Spirit, walking with Him. Was I caught up in HIM, worshipping Him, and loving Him? If so, all those other semantics will just flow from my heart. Serving is not to do, it is to be. And in that, there is the rest and beauty of walking with Christ.-Ashlyn